Abused, used, mistrusted and burned.
Regret, loss, pain. My gut wrenching, churns.
Trying to heal I get it all wrong.
Hope springs eternal, though not very long.
Is it my future to feel this inside?
Or will I grow and let it subside?
I cry and I laugh, I hurt and I smile,
But truth be told, I died for a while.
I watched everyone change right before my eyes.
I ached and struggled to show them my insides.
I looked down at the world from this place in my dreams.
I wondered every day just what it all means.
To be here is a privilege, of that I am sure,
But does this honor have to bring so much pain, so much gore?
My Grams once told me that it was just my fate,
To have a hard life, to carry this weight.
I didn't think it fair. I didn't think it right,
But who am I to judge when I couldn't open my eyes?
My writing it seems at times to be dark.
I get tired, afraid and think I'll lose heart.
Another day comes and I wake up again.
Depression has just seemed to be my best friend.
But something happened last night to change things once and for all.
I quit banging my head against that brick wall.
I opened my heart and let the sun in,
And found once more the iron will to win.
My light now burns bright and though it may pass,
I know who I am when I look in the glass.
I'll fight with all fury, I'll push through to the end
And with my God's help, my hearts' on the mend.